Space for Love
Short thoughts on dating and penguins
Hi, Kelly Eden here from Medium.
With only two months to go, wedding plans are gearing up for me and my fiance here in New Zealand! Hopefully, I’ve been on my last first date but I’ve been thinking back on my recent dating experiences, and comparing them to those in my 20’s.
Dating is so different now than it was 16 years ago when I met my first husband! Is anyone having luck with dating apps? I haven’t heard many positive stories.
I thought I’d share a dating story, a collection of small thoughts, I put down on paper…
Creating Space for Love after Divorce
I’m quite fond of Little Blue Penguins. Not only are they the smallest in the world, but they also happen to live in New Zealand, where I’m from. With their little white bellies and awkward toddler waddle, Little Blue Penguins are are completely endearing.
Also I might be a tad biased because for one of our first dates, my husband arranged dinner with a Little Blue Penguin under the stars.
My kids and I joined a postcard exchange earlier this year and one of our favorite postcards to send around the world is of Little Blue Penguins in space.
Every month my daughters and I get a new list with seven stranger’s names and addresses and head off to our local information center to select postcards. There’s always a small battle over who will choose which cards for which person. Often people request certain types of postcards: landscapes, art, people’s faces and some are more fun to choose than others.
But we always manage to head home with at least one “Penguins in Space” card.
Little Blue Penguins spend most of the year building and maintaining their nests. They come ashore near the coast and hunt out a safe, cosy space for themselves and their mate. Sometimes they settle down in a burrow, cave, or rocky crevice. Other times, they build their nests under tree roots or in a nest box. Little Blue Penguins spend their days swimming through rough oceans to find food for their chicks.
In real life, they can’t fly, let alone fly into space. But I like to think they would if they had the chance.
After the divorce from my first marriage, I went on a few dates, but I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I needed to make room for myself to figure out what I wanted this time from a relationship. Mostly, I was occupied with creating from-scratch a home for my kids and I.
We rented a tiny old cottage and set ourselves up in the usable, warmer half of the house. I bought a coffee table — for some reason that seemed important; pinned the kids’ art to the walls; hung a black and white drawing of an astronaut above the fireplace; plopped a huge red beanbag in the middle of the lounge. On summery nights, we took the beanbag outside to sit in our tiny courtyard and stare up at the Milky Way. We’d found our cosy space where we could dream about flying again.
I wanted to be very intentional and careful about any new people we invited into our peaceful nest. I certainly didn’t bring dates home to meet my kids.
Ben, though, was an old friend. When we started spending time together, things moved gently from friendship to dating.
Ben, my now-husband, arranged a penguin for our second date. At least, that’s what we tell people.
Ben had driven us down to the tip-head where the road juts out along a narrow ridge between the sea and the river. The waves crash on the rocks, spraying up over the cars dramatically, and you can get a clear view of the sun setting into the ocean, then watch for meteors as the sky turns black.
We’d just finished eating burgers in the car and enjoying the view. Then, as we were leaving, a Little Blue Penguin appeared on the road in front of us. We got out of the car and stood, penguin and us, only a meter away from each other.
“Look at that!” I said. Little Blue Penguins are shy and I’d never seen one in real life.
“Just something I arranged earlier,” he said, as he slipped his hand into mine.